Don’t forget it’s 4/1/21
By Israel Gutierrez
A College Place local was held hostage in an abandoned basement and forced to watch the popular Japanese anime show “Attack on Titan.”
Police have been investigating the case of a missing college student who first went missing on March 18 of this year, the same day that Walla Walla University’s spring break began.
Friends of the missing college student shared the story on their social media pages, asking for people to be on the lookout for their missing friend, but the trail quickly grew cold.
In an interview, some of the victim’s friends, who wished to have their identities withheld, spoke to us regarding the few days before the situation occurred.
One friend reported that the victim “had never watched an anime before, and typically made fun of people who did. They called them ‘weebs,’ and expressed a lack of interest in watching cartoons.” 
Another friend of the victim who also wished to remain anonymous told us, “They never wanted to watch anime, but had recently started talking to an attractive classmate who suggested they get together and watch ‘Attack on Titan’ over spring break…” 
“But they told us that no matter how attractive their classmate was, they would not be participating in weeb culture.” 
Police began their investigation into the situation after getting calls from worried friends of the victim about them not replying to any of their text messages asking to hit up The Happy Wanderer for some burritos before they drove home for spring break.
A team of police officers, a K-9 unit, worried friends of the victim, and other concerned locals got together and formed a search party to look for the missing college student.
After two days of searching the local area, the trail went cold, and the search efforts were stopped in their tracks.
Most of the authorities at this point focused their attention on another more disturbing case, one involving a man caught harassing girls on Instagram by asking to buy their dirty socks. However, friends of the victim couldn’t give up on their friend.
They continued to look and to share the story in hopes that someone would have a lead they could follow.
After a week of searching, they finally caught a break when they noticed his Snapchat location on the friend map had finally updated after a week of not showing up.
It showed up in a house that was located near Roger’s Bakery, a popular local shop for some delicious donuts and other foods.
The friends phoned in local College Place police. When a SWAT team raided the house, they found the victim tied to a chair with duct tape over their mouth and the end credits of the final episode of “Attack on Titan” playing on a 50-inch TV screen.
The victim, whose identity is being kept anonymous for safety reasons, was found in decent health, but dazed and confused due to the lack of sunlight in the basement.
The home they were found in was a University-owned house that the aforementioned attractive classmate was living in.
Authorities untied the victim and arrested the attractive classmate, taking both in for questioning.
It was revealed that the victim had been knocked unconscious after drinking a Capri Sun laced with double the recommended amount of liquid melatonin. They were then tied up by the attractive classmate, and when they awoke, the opening theme of “Attack on Titan” was playing on the TV screen.
For a week, they had been tied up to the chair and forced to binge the show. They were also allowed a few hours during which they were untied and fed a diet of Takis and water, with the occasional side salad from a popular local restaurant, Graze.
After coming to their senses, the victim appeared to have lost the ability to speak in English, as they proceeded to answer questions in perfect Japanese. But the English slowly returned nearly two hours later.
They expressed their desire to not press charges against the classmate who had held them hostage because “that show was fire!”
Luckily for the classmate who took them hostage, they will only be facing a two-week quarantine for protection from the COVID-19 virus due to contact with another student while not wearing a mask.
Friends of the victim were relieved to find their friend alive and in good spirits after the whole situation, and even thanked the guilty classmate for her work in turning their friend into a weeb.
As for the small quiet town of College Place, all is well once again.
- Interview with an anonymous friend of the victim.
- Interview with another anonymous friend of the victim.
What's up y'all my name is Israel, but everyone calls me Izzy. I am a senior strategic communication student. I write the culture column for The Collegian. I cover an array of pop culture topics. Some of my interests are videogames, sports, listening to music, cooking/eating, creating, skating even though I am garbage, watching shows, sleeping, and just straight vibin.