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How (Not) To Skip Class

How (Not) To Skip Class

Excuses That May or May Not Work 

By Sienna Day 

Everyone has those days where they don’t want to go to class or log-on to Microsoft Teams on their laptop. Here are some excuses you may (or may not) find valuable. 

The type of class you can wear pajamas to. Photo by Dimitri Karastelev.

Here are some phenomenal excuses for skipping class (and many other things). Use at your own risk, since many of these may be difficult (if not impossible) to pull off. 

“My fish ate my homework.” A classic and timeless excuse. Everyone thinks it’s just dogs who do this, but there is actually a much higher percentage of homework-eating fish in this world. Don’t quote me on that. 

“I underslept.” Most people oversleep, but it sounds better to say that you underslept and needed more sleep than to say that you overslept because you went to bed too late. 

“I got lost.” It happens to the best of us. One moment you’re frolicking through the university grounds on your way to class, and the next moment a sign says you are leaving Washington. Navigation is hard and your professors will be understanding because I’m sure the same thing happens to them. 

“You broke your mirror and can’t come to class for seven years.” To some people, breaking mirrors truly is bad luck. So who knows, maybe you really shouldn’t risk it by showing up for class. 

“The new Rick and Morty season just came out.” Unfortunately, this excuse cannot be used often. Especially if your professor is a fan of this show, because then they know that the time between season releases is few and far between. It’s worth a try, though. 

One of the many “good” excuses for skipping class. Photo by freestocks.org. 

“One of my plants just died and I am holding a funeral.” Plants add so much life to a room that when they die, it is like a small part of your heart died with them. There is no reason to feel guilty for skipping class under these circumstances. Better spend that time planning a funeral for poor Cactness Evergreen. 

“It’s laundry day.” You can even add on “and all my clothes reek,” that way you will be encouraged to stay in your dorm room. And don’t forget to add that this laundry includes every mask you own, which you need for class. The laundry day excuse may be harder to pull off for online classes, so you have been warned. 

“Someone moved my car and now I must find it.” This can many times lead to the “I am lost” excuse, which can make it a double excuse. This is good. You should have someone misplace your car more often. 

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Jimmy the Fish. Photo by Tim Mossholder. 

“My best friend’s neighbor’s mom’s cat has COVID-19.” Hey, it could happen! And if you have been hanging out with your best friend who’s been in contact with that neighbor who breathed on their mom who cuddles her cat, then you may have a real problem. 

“Mr. Beast just uploaded a new video.” I probably should have put an exclamation mark at the end of this one, because who wouldn’t get excited for this? If he uploaded a new video, you must watch it. Class, life, and your roommate can wait. 

“I accidentally befriended a cat and now I can’t move because it is asleep on my lap.” This problem happens more often than one might think. Once the cat is there, it is there to stay. You cannot relocate the cat. The cat owns you now. 

Seven years of bad luck starts now. Photo by Thiago Matos.

“The universe says I shouldn’t.” If the universe is telling you to skip class, what are you supposed to do, ignore the universe? That’s even worse than skipping class. You should listen to the universe. 

And remember, if you skip class because of me, that’s not my fault. These are just ideas of mine, so please don’t write an email to your professor complaining that the author of the humor column inspired you to skip class. 

But if you do happen to skip class, make sure to try one of the excuses above! 

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