You Know, the Thing That Helps You Sleep…
By Sienna Day
Sleep is overrated when you’re a college student. You won’t get enough of it anyway, so you might as well destroy your rhythm altogether.
For those of you not sure what a circadian rhythm is, it is essentially the natural cycle of your body waking up, going to sleep, and repeating.
There are many ways to help your body go through this cycle smoothly, such as getting the same amount of sleep every night, making sure your room is completely dark, and not having a roommate that gets up at four in the morning.
But as college students, we obviously think that circadian rhythms are lame. Why have a bedtime when you can stay awake until five in the morning and get two hours of sleep before class?
When we were infants, almost every time your parents tried to get you to sleep, you would wake up crying (or not go to sleep in the first place). Clearly, baby us didn’t need sleep, so it makes sense that grown-up us wouldn’t need it either. Right?
We have been brainwashed from a young age into thinking that our bodies need sleep to live. This is incorrect. We don’t need sleep, we only think we do. For this reason, whenever you get tired, try one or two of these “sleep cures” and see if they work for you.
If you are tired, you are probably not drinking enough coffee. Coffee is not a drug like some people think. Instead of needing sleep, one of the things our body really needs is coffee. Cappuccinos, lattes, mochas, you name it. Your body needs them all.
Another reason you might be tired is not enough light in your room at night. Parking lot or stadium lights work pretty well for this. Put one in each corner of your room and keep them on 24/7. This will foil any plans circadian rhythm has to make you fall asleep. And who knows, maybe someday in the near future someone will invent an artificial sun to help you throughout your anti-sleep journey.
I also recommend getting several (dozen) clocks and setting them all to a different time. By losing track of time, you will never know if it’s two in the morning or six in the afternoon. Normally, your brain relies on clocks to know when to sleep, but without ever knowing what the real time is, your brain will get frustrated and give up on sleep.
By taking on the lifestyle of a human during the day and that of a bat at night, you will be all set when it comes to avoiding sleep. Bats also have echolocation, so on top of curing sleep, you can see with sound. And by using loud sounds to help you see, you can help others avoid sleep as well!
Try training your brain to think it needs vegetables whenever you are tired. That way, tiredness will instead be associated with a craving for veggies and you can kill two birds with one stone (or in this case, one veggie).
Watching horror movies during times you would normally go to bed (assuming your clocks are still accurate) will give you an amount of adrenaline that can last you until the next day.
Another way to get your adrenaline pumping is exercise. Whenever you get tired, run a mile, do hopscotch, or play quidditch. The harder the workout, the more awake your body will be, so I definitely recommend hopscotch.
Stress is an excellent way to keep your brain gears turning and prevent sleep. Procrastination is an especially effective technique when your goal is to worsen stress. Going to college in the middle of a pandemic also helps.
I know how tough it can be to not give in to your circadian rhythm, but the end goal is worth it. Every day is a full 24 hours and allows you to have time for school, work, and a social life!
My name is Sienna Day and I’m a Freshman/Sophomore at WWU. My major is English (I know, big surprise) with an emphasis in creative writing. When I’m not writing for the humor column, I like to spend my time research random things, binge-watching Netflix, and partaking in martial arts. I also spend many hours a week working on a six-book series I hope to publish in the next few years!