The Majors Battle It Out to See Who Is Crowned Victorious!
By Sienna Day
This is an intense battle between eight different majors and my even crazier eyewitness account. This is judged with complete fairness and absolutely no bias!
A note from the writer: I really wish that I could have included more majors in this article but there are just too many, sorry!
Business vs. Computer Science: Those with the computer science major would be able to crush the business major for one very specific reason: money is all online. All the numbers that the business majors would have to work with could just be hacked out of existence by any computer science major (because all of them are just that good, apparently). Computer science wins this round, of course.
Criminal Justice vs. Engineering: Alright, so everyone knows that engineers design all the crazy stuff like space ships and killer robots and time machines. They seem pretty hard to beat with all this going for them. But the things is, haven’t you seen all the movies? These projects (albeit awesome) never seem to work out and the criminal justice system always has to save humanity. Criminal justice wins this round.
Nursing vs. Elementary Education: The children that elementary education majors look out for are always getting injured, it’s just a fact. Without the nursing majors to heal those poor helpless children, it would be very difficult for the teachers to get their jobs done (have you heard how much a kid can complain about needing a Band-Aid?). Nursing definitely wins this round.
Psychology vs. English: Although psychology is the study of the human mind, English is all about manipulating the mind to enjoy or learn from their piece of writing, whatever that piece may be. Psychologists study this, but they literally learned much of what they know from books that were written by someone (not necessarily an English major, but that’s beside the point). Through studying for their major, they are being manipulated by writing to pay attention to certain things and not others. I’d say that’s a win for English.
Computer Science vs. Criminal Justice: This is a similar thing with what happened to the engineers. While they were designing all their crazy inventions for this throwdown, I’d assume the computer science majors would have come up with artificial intelligence by now. Even so, the humans—specifically those with the guns—always beat AIs because we are obviously way smarter than something that can think hundreds of times faster than us and knows basically everything (hmm). With nearly every sci-fi movie as the judge, criminal justice wins this round.
Nursing vs. English: This was a tough fight since both are so different with unique skillsets. Even so, I would have to say English pulls this one. Their major is just so awesome in almost every way. And don’t worry, as a writer myself I am totally not biased in any way *wink.* So although nursing helps a ton of people and is amazing in itself, I’ve got to say that English is just better because they, uh, write stuff, you know? English without question wins this round.
Criminal Justice vs. English: The problem with criminal justice going against basically anything is that their skills seemingly apply to everything and can save the world from anyone. Killer robots are easy, aliens are just part of the job, and beating your average criminals is a piece of cake. Beating an English major, or any major for that matter, is just too easy, I would say. Criminal justice majors reign supreme!
My name is Sienna Day and I’m a Freshman/Sophomore at WWU. My major is English (I know, big surprise) with an emphasis in creative writing. When I’m not writing for the humor column, I like to spend my time research random things, binge-watching Netflix, and partaking in martial arts. I also spend many hours a week working on a six-book series I hope to publish in the next few years!