A Top Five Countdown
By Eli Haynal
Spring is in the air and many Walla Walla University students are out looking for love, but sometimes finding just the right person can be a daunting task. If this is your problem, look no further—The Collegian has scoured the corners of campus, leaving no stone unturned in our search for the hottest WWU students, and we have compiled a top five list.
5. Zach Macomber
This man is an adventurer, an ASWWU official, and, most importantly, an eligible bachelor. If his photo does not speak for itself, perhaps his love of the outdoors, skiing, and rock climbing will catch your interest. And don’t doubt his social connections; as this year’s ASWWU Social VP, he is one of the most well-connected people on campus. His love of adventure makes him spontaneous and his elected office shows responsibility; we rate him 10/10.
4. Burrito-Holding Zach Macomber
While the previous candidate was stable and responsible, this is a man of mystery. Who is the man behind those sunglasses? What are his hopes, his dreams, his goals? We’re not entirely sure; uncovering the truth is part of the charm of getting to know him. What we can be sure of is that you would be lucky to be held as lovingly as he holds that burrito. He’s quiet, reserved, and mysterious; we rate him 10/10.
3. Short Hair Zach Macomber
The original Macomber was all about outdoor adventures and professional responsibility, and make no mistake, this man shares those qualities. But short hair Macomber’s clean-cut look, sharp fashion sense, and downtown setting perfectly portray his modern, urban interests. He knows the best restaurants, coffee shops, and stores in the Walla Walla area, and he’d be happy to share his knowledge with you. He is fast-paced, trendy, and 100% available; we rate him 10/10.
2. Mutton Chops Macomber
If Zach’s outdoor enthusiasm was what attracted you to the first candidate, then read no further. This is the man for you. As his mustache shows, he’s rugged, he’s serious, and by gosh he will treat you right. He’s always up for adventure, and you would be lucky if he brought you along. His physical strength is unmatched and his two-person tent has room for one more; we rate him 10/10.
1. Mustachioed Macomber
Topping our list we have the man who truly has it all. He’s responsible, mysterious, trendy, and adventurous, combining the best traits of all the previous candidates, but there’s still more to this perfect man. He’s cultured, as much at home speaking French on the streets of Paris as he is pouring the perfect latte from behind the counter at a coffee shop. It should be noted that, in fact, this man does not possess any flaws. However, he is somehow still available; we rate him 10/10.
If any of the bachelors on this list caught your attention, be sure to act quickly because many other people probably have the same idea. Perhaps throughout all the time that Macomber spent organizing ASWWU Social’s Bachelor event, he was the bachelor who really mattered. Have a good time chasing the hottest bachelors at WWU!
Hello! The name at the top of this page might say “Elijah Haynal,” but if you ever meet me please call me Eli. I am a freshman at WWU this year majoring in Biology, Math, and Pre-Med, and in my free time I enjoy reading, thinking, and going places (although I sadly haven’t been able to do the last of these much this year). I hope you enjoy my articles and if you ever see me around campus I hope you’ll say hello!