By Eric Stadelman
Published on November 5, 1981
NOTE: This article should be read with the monotone voice of detective Joe Friday and the music of Dragnet playing faintly in the background (this all can be done inside your imaginative little head).
Oct. 29, 1981
5:17 p.m. This detective is researching an important “case” in the library (Biblical Exegesis).
5:44 I break from research to call the “office.” My answering service informs me a call has come in that could be an important break.
5:56 I rush home to gather further information on the lead. Arriving home, I find a name, but no phone number. Through the keen use of my deft fingers, I soon have a number to accompany the name. I immediately dial the number, but no answer. Will this be another dead end?
6:40 I call the number again and a perceptive person at the other end answers. I ask to talk to the person with the code-name of “Santa Clause.”
The faint sound of ringing bells tells me that I am onto something B-I-G.
Santa won’t talk; however, I find that if I stake out Sittner Lobby at 8:45 p.m., there may be something out of the ordinary happening. That’s all this Private Eye needs to know. I’ll be there!
7:33 After a quick meal and worship it’s back to research (Exegesis). No better way to digest a meal and pass the time.
8:43 I leave the library. Time to stake out Sittner.
8:47 The romantic atmosphere of Sittner Lobby greets my private eyes. I casually stroll the dark halls of Sittner, so as not to arouse anyone’s curiosity. Nothing’s happening.
9:03 Nothing’s happening. Maybe I should leave. But no, a good detective must have patience and wait for the action to break. So, I hunker down with a copy of the COLLEGIAN, and decide that I can wait this one out.
9:06 This is IT! Amid screams of, “IT’S THE GIRLS,” and, “Look at the girls, te-he, ha-ha,” I knew my efforts were not in vain.
Dean Meske cordially meets the mob in the lobby, but he was no match. He quickly retreats and the girls (?) push into the room.
Camera poised, I catch pictures of “Santa,” and “Moses,” “Punks,” and some “air heads.”
Men immediately line up around the balcony and lobby, coming from all parts of the building.
9:11 After “Jingle Bells,” and some other cheery Christmas rendition (that momentarily slips my mind), the girls tour Sittner Hall intimately. I tag along
9:32 This PE must have gotten the wrong information, for this gathering looks more like a weird ritual than the smuggling ring I planned to single handedly apprehend.
9:37 Although the girls are doing the official “trick-or-treating,” the guys are not the only ones giving out the goodies. Manners are remembered and pans of brownies and bags of candy are offered by the female creatures.
9:48 Many times they can’t be seen, but smiles are evident as the craze spreads and then retreats…. When the gang of goblins, etc., disperse shortly before 10 p.m., the lobby is left full of males with mouths open, staring into each other’s glazed eyes. Some can’t believe what they have just seen, others don’t want to.
P.S. As I resume my study in the library at 10:05 p.m. all is quiet. However, at 10:16 Satan (red outfit, horns – the whole works) comes sneaking through the Reference room. He is probably trying to tempt some studious-type students (like myself) to call it quits and head for bed. The same determination that got this young P.E. the wrong lead, keeps him at the library. Thanks girls for the unusual evening!